This has been an unprecedented year in my personal life and, likely, in yours as well. However, we’ve both lived through unprecedented occurrences before, and we will make it through this one*.

I don’t have any big picture solutions that will take away any of the global crises we are facing, but I have some practical advice to make your days more livable. My hope for you is that you will tiptoe out of survival mode, maybe guided by these steps, and settle into regular living again, maybe even thriving, so that you can continue being your best self. These tips don’t take any money or preparation, and none of them involve exercise (?!!).

BS-Free Self Care Idea 1: Rituals

Put away your images of flower mandalas and snuggling into a cashmere robe as you gaze wistfully out over the bright seas and rocky shores of the lemon-scented Amalfi coast – I’m talking everyday life here. Give yourself small moments to anticipate. Take things you already do and do them the way that you actually mean to do them. Your choices will be up to you, of course, but consider all five of your senses when you’re making these tiny improvements…you probably spend a lot of time looking at and listening to things not of your choosing all day, so take time to feel good, listen to something nice, and smell something pleasant.

DO NOT make this a rigid and permanent life choice – we are building in enjoyment, not starting a joy militia.

Cooking? Play music that you enjoy while you’re cooking, deep clean part of your kitchen so it’s more enjoyable to be in there, and give yourself 5 extra minutes to prepare and plate your food.

Eating? Why not set the table beautifully, even if you’re eating by yourself? You’re a person, too! Break out the company-only glasses or use that old plastic cup from a gas station, whatever makes you the happiest today.

Unwinding? Get your soft blanket, a candle, the tea you’ve been hoarding, your fuzzy socks, or maybe turn on a hair metal station and warm up your air guitar…there’s no right way to self-soothe other than the way that makes you feel great right now.

Personally, I’ve curated a few simple rituals during the last three months, like:

• Baking pita bread – I can cook it on the stove top in my cast iron skillet so I don’t have to turn on the oven during the afternoon heat, and it is a simple, forgiving recipe that feels like playing with play dough more than it feels like baking
• Making my coffee special – I have a can of coconut-based whipped cream, a turmeric spice blend, maple syrup, and a variety of non-dairy milks to spice up my espresso or cold brew. Some days I make a dirty chai; others, a mocha with reishi powder and mini chocolate chips. Whatever my “treat”, it doesn’t even take a full minute to upgrade my coffee experience and it adds fewer than 4 grams of sugar to my day. A win all around.
• Chilling out – I have had a higher than usual need to sit and do nothing during this odd time in the world, or maybe I’m just more aware of it because I’ve lost all of my other down time that used to be spent waiting in line, ambling in parks, driving to run errands, and perusing the aisles of a certain store with a bullseye logo. Whatever the cause, I am taking chill out time on purpose now, and I’m taking it seriously. I put my phone on do not disturb, put on a face mask, and sit somewhere extra-comfortable to do as little as possible. I keep a notebook handy in case my to-do list starts flowing so that I can record the idea and let it go. Sometimes I read, sometimes I watch drivel, sometimes I just look at the wall. Sometimes I breathe consciously into tense spots and try to unwind them, but I am definitely not meditating, doing yoga, or even just stretching. I do all those things, but not when I’m chilling out. I have to have space to be completely unstructured these days, even if it’s only for 15 minutes. (I have an hourglass in the event that I do need to mark the time.)
• Gratitude – my family says a prayer when we are eating that would work for even the most secular household. We say thank you to all the people who helped the food get to our plates – the people who grew it, picked it, drove it around, boxed it up, taught me how to cook it, made it possible for me to purchase it, and who are there to share it with us. You don’t have to get overly sentimental if you’re not that type, but it’s a simple way to acknowledge the deep and wide connections we do all still share.

BS-Free Self Care Idea 2: Remove the Negative

It seems like negativity is abundant this year, but it’s never in short supply. It’s easy to be angry, worried, and stressed. It is hard to choose calm, to notice rather than reacting, to protect your heart when the world wants to shatter it.

However.

It’s hard to do very much for yourself (or others) when you’re in shards all the time.

If the news makes you sad and angry, TURN IT OFF. Stop checking it, or schedule yourself one or two times a week to check your top sources. Check back with this blog post any time you need an update: things are bad, someone you don’t like is doing something that sounds absolutely crazy to you, and life is more difficult than we want it to be or feel like we deserve.

If the negativity is coming from a person, remove yourself or confront the situation. It is more than fine to change the subject to something neutral (you might have some new things to talk about with all the reading you’ve been doing!), to end the phone call because you’re busy, or to let them know that you’re working on having a positive outlook and your personal trainer said you can’t talk about that topic anymore. Then offer to do 10 burpees with them. They’ll be so out of breath they’ll have to stop talking.

If the person is you, gently confront your negative self-talk. Accept that you are where you are. You can accept something and want to change it at the same time, and you can’t actually start your change until you’ve done that whole acceptance thing. If you don’t have a time machine, leave the past where it is. Learn from it, then let it go. If you’re not making progress on your goals, write them down so you don’t forget them, then take the next tiny step right now. The shift in the world is enough to take on without having your own self as an enemy. Love and like are two different verbs for a reason! You can love yourself enough to take care of yourself without liking everything today.

BS-Free Self Care Idea 3: Release what you can’t control

Part of my idea of ritual is to make the things I can control extra beautiful. It’s not a distraction from the fact that the majority of the world is outside my control, but it does emphasize my ability to design moments of my life to be pretty darn good. I can’t stop the world from burning, but I can keep my little corner fire-free.

Nothing is going to be perfect, but many things can be good enough for today.

The thing about things we can’t control is that we can’t control them. No matter how much energy you pour down that well, you won’t ever control a whole lot beyond your four walls. It’s not bad to think about those things, but it’s probably not worth your time to stay worked up over them. I’ll bet you have fires closer to home that could use a quick hose down before you fly up to DC to do some lobbying.

The big picture is really made up of all of our small pictures anyway, so if you’re doing your part in your sphere, you’re likely doing the most you can possibly do in the world. Let the rest go. If you need it, it will still be there, and you won’t be so burnt out and bitter that you can’t be bothered to care! Seriously, let it all go now. Make a list of the things you can control, and focus on those.

I wish you peace and contentment even during this tumultuous time (and hey, if you’re reading this in the far future, I bet you still think your times are tumultuous! No worries – that is just how the world turns). Give these three things a try and watch your sleep improve, your brain fog dissipate, and your energy soar (so that you can, uh, get back to pushing at your workouts).

*unless we don’t, in which case there’s no sense in worrying about it because you won’t know what you’re missing!